The Moonlight Monsters Detective Agency Volume One Read online

  ‘Mongolian Death Worm then?’ Tina said.

  ‘Mongolian Death Worm,’ Boris nodded.

  ‘How bloody exciting,’ Parker exclaimed sarcastically, ‘I always wanted to see one of those…’

  ‘Did it live up to your expectations?” Boris asked.

  ‘And then some,’ Parker nodded, ‘bloody and then some, mate…’ He jogged over to the storefronts and retrieved his bottle of whiskey, taking a quick sip before slipping it into his inside coat pocket.

  ‘Hey you mind passing that over?’ Boris asked.

  ‘Are you guys serious?’ Tina demanded as the vampire handed the bottle of whiskey over to her partner, ‘we’re trying to take down a giant Mongolian Death Worm and you guys are sharing libations on the boardwalk?’

  ‘What?’ Boris shrugged unscrewing the cap, ‘is courage, Tina, no?’ He took a long drink and then chucked the bottle back to Parker. ‘Now let’s tear this slovoch down,’ he growled.

  His hair began to thicken and sprout out of his clothes as he grew another foot or so in stature. His hands morphed into giant claws and his mouth became a muzzle of crystal-sharp teeth. This was Boris in full bear form.

  ‘Alright!’ Parker laughed, ‘teddy boy’s ready to kick some ass…’

  ‘Just be lucky it’s not yours,’ Boris smirked darkly from behind his huge mane of gray fur, ‘this time…’

  ‘Whatever,’ Tina shrugged, ‘it’s heading down to the pier – let’s move…’

  As they ran down the empty boardwalk Parker came up beside Tina. ‘So do you actually have a plan then?’ he shouted, ‘or is it just keep shooting till the bullets run out?

  ‘No,’ Tina replied, ‘the bullets are no good, we’re barely grazing him. We need to hit it with something harder…’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘PC3,’ Tina shouted back, ‘we keep a couple of charges in the car – just in case…’

  ‘Oh yeah right,’ Parker nodded, his scruffy blond hair blowing behind him as they hurried down to the other end of the boardwalk, ‘just in case…’

  PC3 was a supernatural explosive developed in the nineteen-forties by the Byron Shelley Institute, blending the cutting-edge human technologies of the day with the age old alchemy of the supernatural realms. It was highly volatile and therefore intensely controlled and regulated. The fact that Tina and Boris were allowed to carry it was a testament to the occasionally-gargantuan dangers of their job.

  Down by the pier, the giant worm burst out of the sand and shot up towards the sky. It roared out and then plunged into the water and back underground, leaving a whirlpool swirling behind it. The gang slowed as they approached.

  ‘And explain this,’ Parker said, ‘how exactly do you intend to get close enough to detonate this PC3 without blowing up the rest of us in the process?’

  ‘By making the bastard eat it,’ Tina said, ‘and then driving him out to sea.’

  ‘Oh,’ Parker said, ‘that’s alright then. Just one thing…’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘How the hell are you going to do that?’

  Tina smiled. ‘I’m not,’ she said, ‘you are. You and Boris.’

  Parker stared. He looked at the huge werebear. Boris shrugged back at him. ‘We’re what?’ Parker asked.

  ‘Well you guys are the ones with the superhuman strength, right?’ Tina said, ‘so you attack the thing, get on top of it. Keep it in the one place long enough for me to throw the charge deep into its mouth…’

  ‘You’ve got to be kidding me,’ Parker said, ‘Get on top of it?’

  ‘She’s not kidding,’ Boris smiled, his voice a thick ursine growl.

  ‘Well what if you miss?’ Parker asked.

  ‘I won’t,’ Tina said.

  ‘Hey Bat-breath,’ Boris called, ‘I thought you said you got your detective’s license, ya? So now it’s time for you to see what it really means…’

  ‘Oh Christ,’ Parker muttered, rubbing his forehead anxiously, ‘only thirty-years as a so-called immortal vampire and already it’s all over. Ok then, Goddamn it let’s do it…’

  ‘Good boy,’ Tina grinned, ‘I’ll run back to the car and get the charges. You guys wait here, I think it’s coming back.’

  As Tina turned and ran back towards the Mercedes, Boris began to bound at breakneck speed out along the pier to get a better shot at the monster when it resurfaced.

  ‘Oh Christ,’ Parker whimpered and took a shot of whiskey.

  Tina got back to the car and opened the trunk as fast as she could. She lifted the spare-tire and slid her key into the secret safe that lay underneath. The safe hissed open and she picked up the compact black charges. They looked no different than an old-fashioned cellphone but Tina knew not to be fooled by their appearance, each one of those blocks packed enough punch to take out the whole boardwalk expanse of Moonlight City.

  She turned back towards the shore and began to jog out to the others. As she stepped out of the alley, she froze in marvel at the sight of the battle going on before her. The giant worm had resurfaced at the waters edge beside the pier. As she stood, Boris (in full bear-form) leapt from the pier and onto the worm’s back, holding on with all his might as the creature roared. Down on the sand, Parker was charging full-speed towards the monster and shouting wildly, consumed by blind fear and adrenaline. God only knew what he thought he was going to do when he got there.

  ‘That’s it Boris!’ Tina cried, ‘keep it there, I’m coming!’

  She ran out along the pier, cradling the explosives in her arms. Boris was up around the monster’s mouth now, with his paws digging tightly into the rim of its gaping circular maw. The worm was too distracted trying to shake him off to notice the vampire who was climbing slowly but surely up its trunk.

  ‘Hold on mate!’ Parker called to Boris, ‘I’ll be with you soon!’

  Tina had to admit she felt a little proud of the vampire as he clambered his way up the giant worm’s prickly red hide – not that she thought he’d know what the hell he was doing once he got to the top. She only hoped he didn’t get in her partner’s way.

  ‘That’s it guys,’ she shouted, approaching along the edge of the pier, ‘hold it where it is, I’m nearly there…’

  As the giant worm roared and spluttered, shaking its body to the left and right trying to dislodge the imposters from its head, Tina ran out towards them and swung the bombs in her hands. Please hit, she winced as the compact explosive packages hurtled through the air and dropped straight into the worm’s grinding circular mouth. Light telekinesis comes in handy sometimes.

  ‘Guys!’ Tina screamed, ‘Get back! The explosives are in!’

  She dived down onto the surface of the pier and sent a sharp bullet of psychic energy warning the worm as far away as possible from the shore. As Boris and Parker released their hold on the monster’s lips and fell to the ground, it turned towards the ocean, screamed wildly, and lunged out towards the sea. But it didn’t get far, because before it hit the surface of the water, the giant Mongolian Death Worm exploded in a cascade of hot black blood and steaming chunks of eviscerated flesh.

  The discharge drenched her back completely as Tina lay face down with her hands over her head to shield her from the explosion. It was over.

  She sat up. Her ears were ringing and her body was soaked through with the hot sticky slime of the exploded worm. ‘Oh Christ,’ she muttered.

  The others. She let her mind slip out quickly to search for them and make sure they were ok. She picked them up beneath her, on the beach under the pier.

  ‘Can you hear me?’ she called, ‘are you guys ok?’

  No answer. She walked shakily over to a stairway and climbed down onto the sand. ‘Guys?’ she called, ‘are you ok?’

  As she stepped under the pier and towards the water, she saw them – both standing rigidly straight with their arms spread out, as if they didn’t know where to put them.

  ‘Oh Jeez,’ Tina snorted and then started laughing.

  Boris and p
arker were drenched from head to toe in black blood, with lumps of flesh hanging off them here and there. Their faces and hair were completely plastered and their eyes seemed extra white peering out of all that tarry treacle. Parker blinked.

  ‘I don’t know what you’re laughing at, love,’ he said, ‘you’re nearly just as bad…’

  ‘Ha!’ Tina laughed, ‘I don’t think so. I only got the crap on my back.’

  ‘Whatever,’ Parker grumbled. He tried to wipe his lips on his sleeve but, since that was every bit as drenched as the rest of him, he just shrugged and opened his whiskey bottle. He took a long drink and then sighed. ‘Ahh,’ he said, ‘fancy a swim then?’

  Tina stared. ‘A swim? Not likely…’

  ‘Oh yeah?’ Parker asked, ‘so you’re going to get back into that nice clean Mercedes of yours like that then, are you? Come on; a New Years swim – it used to a tradition of ours when I was a boy back in Brighton.’

  Tina looked over his shoulder at her partner, who stood covered from head to toe in thick slime. The guy did have a point. ‘Boris?’ she said.

  Boris Rachmaninoff shrugged his great shoulders. ‘Oy,’ he said, ‘what choice do we have?’

  ‘That’s the spirit!’ Parker grinned, ‘ok then; last one in is a rotten egg!’

  The vampire set off running towards the water.

  ‘Yeah?’ Tina snorted, ‘well you smell like a rotten egg…’

  A strange look came over her partner’s face. ‘It won’t be me,’ he said.

  ‘What?’

  ‘It won’t be me,’ Boris repeated, ‘I won’t be the loser…’ He turned and began to run towards the shoreline.

  ‘Hey!’ Tina cried, running after them.

  Further down Parker yelped with satisfaction. ‘Yeehaw! The water is fine!’

  As Tina and Boris joined him, kicking up a spray of foam around them as they passed into the water, somewhere up over the horizon the crest of the sun began to rise as the first day of the new year began.

  # # #

  Full Circle

  There was nothing on TV that night as Tina Peterson settled down in her small studio apartment on what was to be her first evening off work since Christmas. Outside, the night was too wet and cold to go and rent a movie so she’d elected to simply stay in and reread one of her old mystery novels with a cup of herbal tea. How exciting, she thought. It was fairly typical that on her one night off there would be nothing interesting for her to do.

  Tina Peterson was a detective with a very particular agency taxed with a very particular job. They were the Moonlight City branch of the Supernatural Detective Agency and together with her partner, the Russian Werebear Boris Rachmaninoff, she investigated the paranormal and extra rare occurrences in the city. The rarest thing about the job was the days off.

  Her sleek black cat Gabriel pushed open the door of her living room and sauntered over to her on the couch. He rubbed his body against her leg and purred.

  ‘Well at least I’ve got you to keep me company,’ Tina said and reached down to stroke her companion.

  Twenty-eight years old and not one thing to do on her night off, she observed. And the only good man in her life was covered in fur and had whiskers.

  Tina stood up and went to the bookshelf to pick out a book. She looked out the window of her apartment. The rain was really pouring down and had been relentlessly for nearly a full week now. Tina sighed. It was early February and she was just about sick of the grim weather and dark evenings.

  ‘Now what do we have here?’ she said to herself as she ran her fingers along the weathered spines of her ample collection of paperback books. ‘The Thirty-Nine Steps? Or maybe The Big Sleep?’ She looked back at Gabriel and wrinkled her nose cheekily. ‘What do you think Gabe?’

  Her cat just stared at her. Suddenly he widened his eyes.

  ‘What is it?’ Tina asked.

  Gabriel leapt of the couch and ran out into the hall. The door bell rang.

  ‘Hold on, I’m coming!’ Tina shouted.

  She darted into her bedroom and pulled on her dressing gown over the old tank top and faded pajama bottoms she’d been wearing around the house. She slid her feet into her slippers and hurried out into the hallway.

  ‘One second!’ she called as she unlocked the bolt.

  She opened the door and the rain-soaked figure of Sam Parker appeared before, British expatriate vampire and the city’s first official paranormal private eye.

  ‘Alright Tina love,’ he said, ‘you busy?’

  ‘Sam,’ Tina answered, ‘no of course not. Come in.’ She was a little surprised to see him here, since Sam Parker and the SDA shared a checkered personal relationship – although admittedly it had improved somewhat in recent weeks. ‘How did you know where to find me?’ she asked.

  Parker smiled and Tina couldn’t help but note how cute he was, and not for the first time either. ‘Ernie the Egghead told me, didn’t he?’ Parker shrugged, ‘I called the station looking for you first.’

  Tina rolled her eyes. Ernie could have just given him her cellphone number instead of handing out her address. She had a sneaking suspicion he’d wanted to mix things up a bit for her on her night off.

  ‘Yeah,’ she said, ‘well even Monster Detectives have to take a night off once in a blue moon…’ She trailed off as she looked at the drenched man before her. Something in his face told her that this mightn’t end up being a night off after all. ‘What’s wrong?’ she asked.

  ‘I’ve got something for you,’ Parker said, ‘something big. So, are you free tonight?’

  Tina glanced back into the living room. Gabriel had curled up in a ball on the light blanket she’d laid on the couch. She looked back at Parker. ‘Give me a minute to get dressed.’

  ‘Do you want anything?’ she called as she hurriedly pulled on a blouse and a pair of tweed pants, ‘there’s coffee and herbal tea in the presses, help yourself. Sorry I can’t offer you anything stronger.’

  She bit her lip. She’d meant whiskey – Parker, like most European guys, was more than partial to a glass of liquor – but it had come out wrong, considering the man’s extra needs as a vampire. ‘I meant alcohol…’ she called.

  There was silence. When he spoke she could hear the amused smirk in his voice. ‘Nah, you’re alright love,’ he answered from the hallway. ‘Besides, I’ve got a full pouch of pigs’ blood here to keep me tiptop for the night.’

  She flicked her hair over the back of her blouse and gave herself a once over in the mirror. She picked up a roll of lipstick and quickly ran it against her lips. Ok, that would have to do.

  ‘Pigs’ blood?’ she said as she opened the door, ‘sounds delicious.’

  Parker shrugged. ‘It’s the nutritional value more than anything else I’m interested in.’ He smiled. ‘You should try it some time. You’d be surprised what it can do for your constitution.’

  ‘Yeah, I bet,’ Tina answered, picking up her trench-coat from the rack, ‘so where are we going?’

  ‘To the Southland Docks,’ Parker answered, ‘I’m about to throw you the catch of the century…’

  They descended the stairwell of Tina’s apartment block and down to the basement parking lot. ‘Bloody rotten night out there, eh?’ Parker asked as they crossed the car park. ‘Makes me nostalgic for merry old England.’

  Tina unlocked the car and they climbed inside. She started it up and pulled out, driving across the concrete plaza towards the exit ramp. When they emerged onto the street she had to put the windscreen wipers on at full velocity.

  ‘You get weather like this a lot back home then?’ Tina asked.

  ‘All the time,’ Parker said.

  ‘No wonder you’re so pale then.’

  ‘Hey!’ Parker laughed, ‘watch it, cheeky.’

  Tina smiled. ‘So what is it we’re dealing with here?’ she asked, ‘catch of the century better mean something more than fish and chips.’

  ‘Oh believe me,’ Parker said, ‘it means a whole lot more. I
just so happened to have hit upon the biggest drugs smuggling operation this side of the Panama Canal. Not only that, but it’s paranormal too.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘It’s a gang or something, innit?’ Parker said, ‘down in the southland docks, a bunch of demon half-breeds and warlocks and what have you. They’ve got a whole compound to themselves, warehouses, boathouses, the works.’

  ‘But how?’ Tina asked, ‘how the hell did you find them?’

  Parker grinned. ‘Elementary love,’ he said, ‘you and ol’ Papa bear aren’t the only supernatural detectives in Moonlight city anymore, remember? Where do you think I’ve been these past few weeks? I’ve been busy love.’

  Tina said nothing. She was impressed, definitely impressed, but she knew that if she let him know then it would only further inflate Parker’s already bloated ego. ‘Nice find,’ she muttered begrudgingly and Parker snorted with laughter.

  She took the freeway out to the industrial estates and factories at the south west of the city. At night the area was mostly deserted, the huge buildings were black and ominous against the smoggy orange-tinted sky. Occasionally they passed a freight truck heading to or from some all-night destination, but by and large the roads were empty.

  ‘Keep going towards the water,’ Parker said, ‘I’ll let you know when you’re getting close.’

  Tina took a turn towards the docks and cruised on beneath the torrents of rain pouring down from the sky.

  They passed by high wire-mesh fences with dark warehouses and boat-loading equipment on the other side. Up ahead there was a compound lit up by bright spotlights with cars and trucks still cruising around inside. It wasn’t necessarily unusual for the longshoremen to work into the night – sometimes shipments arrived late after all and they couldn’t just leave the crew onboard until the foreman had had his beauty sleep – but nonetheless there was definitely something that seemed suspect to Tina about this one. Maybe it was the grim expressions on the faces of the workers who moved purposefully to and fro across the plaza, or perhaps it was the group of men hanging around outside the main warehouse who looked more like the cast of The Sopranos than stevedores.